The best of Covid-19 Ramadan 2020/1441- a Ramadan spent alone

The muslim world has gone through a very special Ramadan with a high percentage of muslims that have been alone this year. In France, due to 100km range restriction, I couldn’t spend my Ramadan and even my Eid with my familiy. Most of my friends are non-practicing. Nontheless, I was eager to get the best of it no matter what. How ? I tell you how to spend a ramadan alone.

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Progession chart for Duas. Made with MuslimShowApp

How being alone is beneficial for your Ibadah ?

  • Reciting Quran:  The Quran can be recited out loud. At any moment of your day.
  • Learning Quran: The same way, you can recite out loud while doing your chores.
  • Listening online lectures endlessly is possible and will not bore your siblings, family, partner around. I’ve noticed that with my mum and sister who were following the same seerah seriesthat I was. My brother would get fed up with my mum watching always the same videos and my sister would not hear them while being with her husband. So I advanced at a much faster pace.
  • Prayers 1: Night can be spent at your schedule. You sleep, you wake up, you sleep… you will disturb no one.
  • Prayers 2: you can recite out loud.
  • Fast 1: Nobody is there to watch you. So if it was only a social fast, it has no need. But if truly you do accomplish the rights of fast when no one is watching you, isn’t this a proof that you love Allah ?
  • Fast 2 : By not being around people, you gossip less, you are less challenged by anger, by jealousy, for me I could keep my scarf.
  • No one is watching you: I’ve noticed that among young people « the public » has an effect. When you remove that, we truly can connect to Allah. There’s no one to notice when you cry, and to make fun of you.
  • It’s only up to you: If you are motivated to stay all night up and have the strength to do so, then do it. If you are super motivated to engage in tasfeer classes and then learn Arabic and then recite Quran, this is your marathon, enjoy !!

IMG-20200509-WA0011How being alone is beneficial for you in terms of food ?

  • Less hurdles for suhoor and Aftari: Just make what you can. Simple dishes are fine. Gain time. The bonus was that I could break fast while watching Noman Ali Khan explaining Surah Yousouf. And nobody complained about this.
  • Less waste: Just make what you need.
  • Make once in a Ramadan dishes you want to: dahi baray, namak paray, pakoray, fruit chat… enjoy, It’s all for you.

How being alone is beneficial on the Eid day ?

  • To me it is just the realization that so many people due to visa’s problems, due to politics, wars, oppression cannot see their families. Some of them couldn’t even fast (Ouighours) due to China’s regime. For that, I’m lucky to have been able to fast and do my Eid.
  • Even though, I was alone, I imagined through the Imam Omer Suleiman Angels in your presence series, that Angels were everywhere on the earth today.
  • Make a dish you enjoy.

How being on menses in Ramadan is cool alone ?

  • Because girls are super cautious about not eating in front of fasting people, even while they are not fasting, they still happen to be fasting. So when you are alone, you can go open the packet of chips and eat that Ice cream without hiding while you watch a lecture or do tasbeeh.
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    Goals for Salah. Made with MuslimShowApp

How competing with yourself is beneficial ?

I remember that once I competed with my beloved friend Sidra for my very first full Ramadan. Competing with siblings and friends in religion can be a good booster if you have the right environment. But separating from the actions, the faith is a journey you walk alone. By making you intentions purified. By progressing step by step from the unsaid, unseen but heartfelt moves in Deen.
It’s sometime harder when your friends see movies, listen to music or tell gossips even in Ramadan to stepback and take position. Being alone, you are saved from that.

Conclusion

I’m not saying that company is bad. Nor that shouldn’t compete with your friends and family in Ibadah. I’ve no benefit in whether you share or not good meals and share these blessed moments with your friends. I’m not saying accomplishing all that I listed above is only possible when alone. If you have company, humans are social animals, Alhamdulillah. But if you can’t, then avail this opportunity that has been handed over to us.
 
If you want to read how went my preperation for Ramadan : I explain you how I transformed my forced holidays into a spiritual workshop in this article.
 
 

Lockdown forced Holidays

 
Confined Holidays ! How did I dealt with that ?
 
This infectious period is unique in history and has created a very special atmosphere.
I am really weak at keeping a good routine while not doing anything.  That’s why I even plan out my weekends.  And it has been long that I didn’t spend two weeks doing nothing alone.
Lives are busy and we are cought up in our routines to really converse with ourselves.  We escape the talks with ourselves. Holidays at home were a challenge. I was first excited to enter in this holiday time because of its originality after spending three weeks working from home.
I knew that if I freestyled these holidays they will be of no use. So from the 2nd day onward, I worked out a plan. Make a grid to list whatever I wanted to do. I have separate chart of the salah that lies next to my prayer rag.
I had some books I’ve always wanted to read but always kept delaying. So I started them. And I just commited to every day just read a little piece of them.  I felt joyful when I crossed as many sections I could of my table.
IMG-20200413-WA0006This is my table and I enjoyed learning the seerah of my beloved prophet(saw) from Yasir Qadhi and hearing  surah al-e-Imran tafseer by Dr Israr Ahmed. Then to learn Arabic with Amir Sohail.  Sometimes, it matched so perfectly that I would get two versions of the same facts and this would solidify the events in my memory. I multiplied the religious resources in order to learn more but not to get bored. So I limited one episode per day of each. Normally it would take three hours of my day.
I would pray on time because I’ve been blaming the society for so long to not to be able to offer prayer on time. Now that I had the chance I had to take it. I read whatever I could of Quran. This was intresting because I’ve done the tasfseer of Surah Baqarah in Ramadan last year. And starting anew the Quran, I passed through that and reached surah Al-e- Imran where my actual focus was these days.
I tried to memorize two more ayahs of Surah ghafir. And I would recite them in my prayers to practice. I can’t explain the feeling when I recited the newly memorized ayah in my prayer. Like a proof to Allah, oh Allah I am your servent and I learned a new ayah here. I went through a workshop with my younger sister to correct my memorization as she’s memorizing Quran from musch longer time. It was strange to elarn from somebody younger than you but I was willing to. It’s their knowledge that gives them stature not age. And I am willing to repeat it when I learn some more.

To remain focused in these videos I worked out a scheme to keep my hands busy because if not I wanted to play with my mobile end up on facebook watching amazing daddy with kids videos. I did some embroidery, some 3D origami, a painting, covering up a lipton box in a sewing kit. Also for  Seerah and  Tafseer sessions since I was more interested by the sound track ( I would follow the ayahs on my mushaf for tafsser), I downloaded it on my computer. Once organized in different folders it increased my efficiency. Also, for this I would sit on the table/chair configuration. Making your mind understand that you are working. This work is meaningful for you.
 
For Arabic classes, I would take notes and practice along.  Ma sha allah the videos are concise and very well edited. The Professor is intresting and tells hadiths and relates the lessons to the Quran right away. And Ma sha allah when I see the faces of the students of this class I am impressed. These are for a majority 40+ men willing to learn a new language. They are not on a drama, on an instagram or tiktok shows. I wonder how much Allah loves their faces and has blessed them to assist in these classes.
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Also, I discovered the sacredfootsteps podcasts series along with their very sourceful website. I enjoyed their stories on instagram. I enjoyed listening to their podcast every day. They brought up everytime some new visions and eyeopening conversation.  Just to quote one of them was about Kashmiri identity. I would very much recommend you to try them and I bet that you stay with them. They also organize trips and discuss travelogues. Pretty much everything I was looking for. I was not a history person but their extensive knowledge has awaken a growing curiosity in me to know more.  I was reading Mumtaz Mufti’s Labaik book which is kind of a pilgrimage journal. And through sfootsteps I started it analyzing in a different way. I heard about the lonely planet guide on Saudia Arabia and watched some stories of Bengali neighbourhood in Makkah, I tagged places on my Gmaps for visit. This has been so enriching.
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Along with this, I read a chapter a day of Reclaim your heart. This book is the sister of “Forty Rules of love by Elif Shafak. This book is so heavy that I’ve been delaying it for so long because I was not ready for taking it. Now I felt it was the right moment. Reading it and digesting it is so helpful.  Few pages a day gives you time to pounder.
Somewhere between, usually after my seerah’s lesson I would call my mum who was also following the series to discuss about it.
 
This is also during this period that I would pray my first ever Tahajjud. One day after offering Tahajjud I slept and was awaken by my alarm for fajr. It got me confused because for me I just had prayed and I couldn’t recall which prayer it was. Alhamdulillah, this was a very special feeling. It’s like my first Salah hadn’t quit me that I was again called to prayer. And that’s why it is so important to guard our Salahs.
20200517_193352We had our very first  family meeting for zikr. This was a really special session where we could actually reconnect overseas and join prayers. We are hoping to continue these sessions. And this could be a new means to have a Quran Khuwani actually.
Tomorrow, I will be joining work again. While I’ll be praying on time inshallah, I fear I’ll be gossiping again. I fear not to be able to carry on all these activities. Though confinement is a bit of boring but it helped me focus on this knowledge I’ve never tried to pursue. Through sacredfootsteps I connected to an Egyptian photographer who takes beautiful mosques in Cairo and post different series of photos on Friday. This helped me to get conscious of Friday to take part in the ummah’s activities from which I’ve been so much deconnected.
After 5 weeks of confinement, I’m afraid of going out now and having to take off my dupatta and get caught up in Dunya.  Though, this ramzan is gonna be very special.
I had first taken a Netflix subscription to cope with time and the only documentary I’ve seen is about Perou and watched Edward Snowed stories. Following my schedule I wanted my work to be more valueable. And then at nights I would be stuck with my overthinkingness. So many souvenirs came back to me. Our sleeping at roof under open sky. Our fights as kids.
Basically, I entered the confinement with my ideas stuck with I want to stay in France whether I marry or not. But these lessons have changed my perspective and shaped it around Allah. The goal of my life is just to worship Him. So whether I get married or not is not a problem. I saw only worldly problem while now I’ve the certainity in my heart that this is not a problem. I’m in a bigger trouble that’s to escape the Hellfire. I could recall of many of my sins I had forgotten.  I can look upon my life with a new light. And Alhamdulillah what an incredible perspective to retrace the history, to house workshops. I felt a vision two days ago in which, I was looking truly happy and I was laughing. I had never felt this radiant joy before. Since then, I’ve practiced my smile in the mirror and taken extra care of my hygiene. I’ve perfumed for prayer. and put on lipstick and worn my earrings for my own sake. I’ve had really hard time with Sabr. I heard a beautiful recitation of Surah Yousouf ans I remembered of Hazrat Yaqoub (as) deprived of his most beloved son. I recalled his Sabr. And the Sabr of Rasoul (saw) when they suffered in Makkah for 13 years.  Things take time to build up. Everything has a reason. I’ve sometimes seen the wisdom in Allah’s perfect transitions in my life. I’ll keep trying.
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Few times though, I’ve lowered the Azan because I was talking to someone. Few times I have lowered the sound to not disturb my neighbours. But more and more when I go out to clap our Doctors and nurses on my terrace I wear my scarf to let people know my faith. I expose it whenever I do something good. I’m okay with my self. Now will people be comfortable with my comfortable self ? I fear that, that willing to please them I would stop practicing my faith.
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I struggled with Fajr for four weeks. Since few days I am able to pray it. I so much want to be an insect, an ant to outfold the script written for me not having to fear of my laziness. Because if a human can do more, it can also be lazy and do nothing.
I’ve put my skirt to pray sometimes. I’m trying to integrate that my “wants” are really insignificant from the religious perspective. I’ve given up the video call because I didn’t wanted to show a scarfless face.
I did some decluttering in my cupboards. Somethings are gone. I wish other will follow. And I could live a minimalist tranquil life. I’ve had hard time parting way from my tickets, my old canteen cards. But all put in the perspective it will inshallah help me to do more.
I’ve finished the spices, spinach in my freezer. I look forward to finish my ginger, my rice and floor reserve.
So, even if I haven’t traveled outside, I love to think that I’ve strived to travel inwardly. May Allah turn it to a transformation that I become from the larvae that beautiful butterfly I embroided. May Allah help me to be conscious of Him and meet my death with serenity. Ameen.
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Les filles de mon oncle sont meilleures…

J’ai toujours hésité quant à déterminer quel personnage m’a le plus inspirée, quel personnage, l’auteur a su faire vivre dans nos imaginaires de la meilleure façon. Pari Zad dans le roman Man-o-Salwa ou Kashaf dans Zindagi Gulzar Hai? Parizad est une fille très attachée à la religion, qui fait  le Tahajjud (la prière surrégoratoire) du milieu de la nuit. Kashaf quant à elle, est une fille qui vit dans la misère et doute que Dieu fait attention à elle. Parizad s’éloigne du Dieu avec ses circonstances et Kashaf renoue avec le Dieu. 

Souvent, à la maison, je passe la plupart de temps devant mon PC, à faire mes devoirs, à me cultiver à ne préoccuper que de moi. Souvent, je fais les nuits blanches devant l’ordi. Et à chaque fois que ma mère m’appelle, que ce soit pour manger, faire la vaisselle, aider à faire le ménage ou juste pour parler, elle me trouve occupée. Avec les années, elle a arrêté de compter sur nous.

 

matrice effort de réaction

« Maman, I’m busy in my homework…! »

Lorsque, des rares fois, on parle, c’est pour lui dire que sa religion est faite de contraintes. Que sa culture n’est que contrainte. Dans ces débats, elle occupe la place du criminel dans la tribune de justice. Devant elle, nous éduqués avec des diplômes français, on lève la voix. Sa voix pèse tellement peu ! Nous, ses enfants tordues de paradoxes, on s’improvise justiciers pour décortiquer ses paradoxes à elle !

Souvent, dépitée, quand elle nous voit nous éloigner de notre religion, de l’Islam, la religion de la paix et du respect, elle pense souvent à mon oncle resté au pays. Quand elle nous voit véhément défendre la politesse par l’impolitesse, l’éducation par l’ignorance, les droits des femmes en la sommant au silence, elle se doute de son choix.

À son époque, lorsque les enfants commençaient à lire et écrire, c’était pour s’en servir pas pour mettre en vitrine, pas pour s’en vanter. Lorsque qu’on était éduqué, ça se voyait, dans sa manière de faire des comptes, dans sa façon de s’exprimer, etc. Actuellement, dans mon monde, la compétition est à celui qui s’exprime le plus vulgairement possible malgré un langage sophistiqué à disposition. Cela fait plus classe. C’est à demander pardon à tous mes profs de Français…

Mon oncle a appris à lire le Coran à ses filles. Il les a envoyé à l’école primaire. Depuis elles sont restées à la maison à prendre soin de la maison, à faire des tâches diverses et variées prenant la relève de leur maman. Ses garçons sont allés jusqu’au collège. Mais n’ayant pas grand interêt dans les études, ils aident leur père dans les champs. Lorsque les filles ont maîtrisé comment tenir la maison, ils les ont mariées. Elles n’avaient pas de protestations à faire, elles ne voyaient personne en dehors de la famille. Mon oncle et ma tante vivent leur vie heureuse. Lorsque plus tard, mon oncle et ma tante mourront, leurs filles prieront pour eux. Elles feront les 5 prières. Elles auront religieusement réussi leur vie. Les parents iront au Paradis, car ils auront élevé leurs filles correctement, les filles iront au paradis, car elles sont restées sur le droit chemin ( pas de tentation, pas de péché). Et moi…

Ma mère voulait qu’on soit éduquées. Du village, elle a emmené ses enfants dans une grande ville. Puis dans une encore plus grande ville, et plus tard encore dans une encore plus grande ville. Elle a sacrifié sa génération, son éducation, son ego, pour ses enfants. Pour leur acheter de l’éducation, pour leur apprendre des manières. Elle ne pensait pas qu’il y aurait toujours le temps pour les devoirs, pour les soirées, pour les voyages, pour skyper tard la nuit, mais jamais pour faire ses ablutions et faire la prière de Fajr pour bien commencer sa journée.

Dès fois, ma mère regrette de ne pas avoir fait pareil que mon oncle.

Dès fois quand je n’arrive pas à dormir, j’ai honte de moi. De tout ce que l ‘éducation m’a donné et au nom duquel je commet les crimes de l’impolitesse extrême. Je voudrais tant la rassurer. Mais c’est contre mon éducation…

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Photo de couverture par @dar_alena

Article publié pour la première fois le 28 novembre 2015 à 00h25.